MY FRESHMAN YEAR!

I haven't written in a long time. Almost all of my freshman year has gone by, with new people and old people and just a lot. So I'm going to try to sum it up. In October I played tennis. I started going out with Jim, in which I broke up with because I just didn't have feelings for him anymore. Then he got a new girlfriend. Then somehow we ended up going out again, him dumping his girlfriend for me which I didn't approve of. This, him breaking up with his girlfriend and going out with me, happened in the winter. Then soccer season started. That's about when he broke up with me to go back out with the girl he broke up with to date me. It was one huge shit hole of a time and I was really depressed. I took up cutting and I really regret doing it. I also would NOT suggest it to anyone who is having trouble. If you need someone to talk to, or somewhere to let things out, write in a notebook. Or go see a therapist. They really do help in getting things out. As for cutting, I no longer do it thanks to friends getting me through hard times in my life.

Anywho, I met a new guy. He helped me through so much. Naturally, I kinda had a thing for him. But I pushed it aside. I didn't want to ruin our friendship. NOT TO MENTION HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND. Ugh. That's really the reason, though. Because he has a girlfriend. So all I can do is hope he reaches to me if him and his girlfriend break up. But I doubt that'll happen. After all, they've been dating for seven months or so now.

Other things that happened throughout the year are I became best friends with this girl. Her name is Joselyn, but I call her Jos. She's really fun and crazy and I just love her to death. We've had so many crazy memories together. I'm really glad I became friends with her. Now she's moving. It sucks, but it's close enough to visit often. So I suppose that's alright. Another thing that happened was I also became friends with another kid named Jake. He's really cool. But just a friend I can assure you that.

So that was the main events of my freshman year. Or at least just the stuff that I can think of off the top of my head.

Today, I learned Jake likes me. I don't want him to like me, because I like that other kid. But I know that other kid won't ever happen with me. So why wait. I don't know. I just don't feel that way towards Jake I suppose. But that's kind of a lie. I do kind of like him. But I'm still trying to stay out of relationships because Jim really fucked me up. Oh well. Whatever happens...happens.

Sorry I haven't written more on here. I write a lot in a notebook, but I hardly get a chance to come on here anymore. Hope people are still reading my blogs. See ya next time everyone(:

Facebook

Everyone seems to have a faceboook or a myspace right? It depends on the school you go to. So at my school, it happens to be facebook. It also just so happens that my entire family, which is huge with 10 aunts and uncles, plus the hundreds of cousins, also has facebooks.

So the other day, one of my cousins finds me on facebook. She friend requested me. I decided that the best thing to do was not be her friend, and also ask her not to tell the family. I also told her that I was not supposed to have a facebook. She sent me a message back saying that is she could find me then my other family members could find me. She is older than I am, way older, with kids and a husband. Anyway, she was right. After reading her message, sure enough, another one of my cousins found me. I freeked out! Thats two family members that could blab my secret to the entire family. I think they found me because I was already friends with two cousins, and they just saw me on their friends list and decided that they would add me.

So anyhow, I really thought hard about my account. I talk to old friends on there. I get pictures to make my videos of me and my friends off there. But on the other hand, I really don't think it's worth my parents finding out. So I made up my mind. I deactivated my account.

At first, it was like, did I really just do that. I no longer have contact with my old friends first of all. Also, I have to find a knew way to get pictures of my friends. I'll think of a way, but for now, I feel like crap. I really want to make another video, and I told my friends I would be soon. They were looking foward to it. And so was I. But again, if my parents find out, I'm in even bigger trouble.

Even though I feel like crap and that I no longer have much to do on the computer, which isn't rele a bad thing I guess, I have that tiny, tiny, tiny, feeling in the back of my mind, knowing that I did the right thing. And yes, I feel more like crap than I feel like I did the right thing, but I know that I'll find better things to do.

Hopefully!

Freshman Year

So last time I blogged about my freshman year was this summer. I was freaking out because I am bad with change and blah blah blah. Well school is going great!

I was in tennis, but it sadly ended. The season is over! I hated cleaning out my tennis locker! We had a tennis bonfire Saturday. It was really fun.

But anyway, during that tennis season, at one of the meets, I met this kid named Jim. One of the girls on the team knew him already, and he came up to talk to her while I was talking to her. At a different meet, he came up and started talking to my friend again, but when she went to go play, he started taking to me! It was about this book that he read that I was reading. Anyhow, at one of the football games, he saw me and started talking to me. By the end of the game, we had each others numbers. We texted A LOT. He told me to come to the homecoming game with him and his friends because all of my friends were at the game with their boyfriends, or out of town (how ironic). So I went to the game, and was sad to see that he liked this other girl. I tried to convince myself that I didn't like him, but I really did. The girl broke up with him not even an hour later. He was sooo sad. I felt bad for him, and so we texted even more often. Somehow, we are now unofficeally going out (because I'm not allowed to have a boyfriend). It's been going on since the 10th of October, me and him. And he kissed me yesterday! I am so happy right now. He's defenately not the cutest kid, but he's soo adorable to me!

Okay. So onto other things that don't involve Jimmy. I don't mind school that much. I've already gotten used to the change. Jimmy meets up with me whenever he can, and i love it! Lunch isn't that bad, I know some people in mine. I suck at making friends, so I still don't know that many people, but I know more, so it's going good.

I don't know what else to say right now, but when I think of something, I'll write. See ya!

Television

Most people will DIE without TV. But me? I've learned to live without it. Well mostly without it. My dad turned off the cable, so all we have is antenna (I have NO idea how to spell that!). That means no more TNT, MTV, and more channels like that.

However, you know how they say, when one door closes, another one opens??

I guess that's what happened to me. I scanned the antenna channels and I found gold! Not really... But same difference. I stumbled upon MeTv. The channel has many of the old shows. Yes, I love watching black and white shows! My favorite show on MeTv is Leave it to Beaver! I also watch I Love Lucy, The Munsters (is that the spelling?), Rosanne (which is like the newest show on there), and some other more that I can't think off the top of my head.

Moral of this story? Well I wasn't really planning on a moral, but I guess that it's the door one. Doors open, and doors close, but you CAN'T sit and pout at the closed door, wishing it would OPEN ALREADY! You need to get up, walk to the other door, and step through...and suck it up if it isn't what you expected at first.

Wasn't THAT the longest moral! haha

Thanks for reading!!

I Kind of Feel Bad Because of Rejection

Brooke. The girl that I have talked about before in my first blog...well here's the story.

I had no idea what was going on in her life at this point, not to mention that I didn't care nor do I now. But apparently she had a boyfriend, that didn't last a week (cough, laugh). I guess he liked his ex better then her.

I read about her break up in this blog thing that she has because a friend wouldn't explain anything and just told me to check out her blog. After reading it I kind of laughed, and then felt bad. I think she is a snob and she tries to be something she's not way to often, but no one desirves rejection. I was surprised I felt bad for her for a long time, and all I could think about was to blog.

I have never been rejected, but I have broken up with a person, two times! That would be Luke, and it sucked both times. But he hates me now so...
It also probably didn't help that a sad song came on while I was reading it. But besides that part, I didn't really yell at the screen much accept at her lies, "accidentally" forgetting to tell the whole story and just making me look like the only gerk, and of course, me laughing at the things that, well sucks for her.

She always talks about how much she hates her dad, and how dare she. Yes, I blogged about how my dad irritates me, but I don't think I put in there ONCE about hating my dad. If it weren't for her dad, she wouldn't be alive. And if he didn't get funkey with Brooke's mom, she might have a different mother, her step mom. She hates her step mom. So she should shut up about her dad.

I guess that's it. I think I got all of my emotions out, so I think I'm good. I hope you see my side of the story as the real side of the story!

School and the Past

Okay. I know what you are thinking. Why would I write about school on summer break? I was just thinking about school as I was reading some other blogs and I decided, what the hay. Might as well talk about school. I'm sure I can come up with something. After all, I am entering my 9th year of school, not to mention kindergarden.

So I was thinking about my past year. I am going to be a freshman this year and to be honest, I am FREAKING OUT! I'm not a person who likes change very much, so you can see the problem already. Then there's the, I still want to be catagorized as a little kid. Little kids get everything! Sure, it's not always what they want, like they get ignored or pushed around, but they get one of the most important things of all! They get happiness! If you've ever seen a kid walk into a toy store, or maybe an older kid walking into the mall, what do you see in them? Happiness. So I think you get my point.

So I don't know if I want to be a freshman or not! Not that I have a choice. But will I like it? Am I going to totally hate it? My first fear is that I have to do swimming in high school. I'm not really that comfortable with my body, and I believe it's coed in my school. Actually, I'm almost positive that it's coed. So some people just say wear a one piece bathing suit. And to that I say, no. No one wears them in my neighborhood, and I don't want to be the loser that does. Another fear, I have to get shots before the school year starts. I am so afraid of shots! And people say, they only hurt for a minute. But that's a lie! I know that they hurt for days after. The muscle doesn't like to be STABBED!

I think my biggest fear would be the people. I am not really good at making friends. So I am really hoping that I can overcome my fear so that I can have a whole new bunch of friends, and hopefully have a boyfriend.

Aaahhh. Boyfriends. I have had two so far, and one of them ended pretty ugly. The first one, we have known each other since we were born! Our moms have known each other for a long time, before we were born at least. And now I guess we are just friends with benefits. At first, we were friends with benefits. Then we were going out, my first boyfriend. We broke up because we never saw each other, only about three or four times a year. And now, we are back to being friends with benefits. My second boyfriend was the unfortunate one. I went out with him two times. Now let me tell you something. If you go out once, and then break up, don't go out a second time. There was a reason you broke up the first time, and I can assure you that it is highly likely that it will turn out the same the second time. I broke up with him the first time because he was embarrassing me, I gave him another chance, and he did it again. So we are officeally done. I will not go out with him again. If you read my other blogs, the second one was Luke. The first one is Alex. I really miss Alex, and I hope that we can have a better, real chance some day.

So back to the topic of school. The things I am looking foward to? I want to see all my old friends. I want to have homework again, although, at about the middle of the second quarter, I hate homework. I want to have a fun time with my friends, and learn to drive a car, but I don't want my drivers licence, because I don't want to drive. I want to have the old, familiar, even fun feeling of the knew school year, with all the knew things. Knew folders, knew clothes...

The things I will really miss. I will miss the school I basically LIVED at for four years. I will miss half of my friends that are going to the other school. I will miss all the fun times I had in my past four years. I will miss the park district soccer, and the gymnastics there too. Mostly, I will miss the family members that I saw for the last time in the years before high school even started.

A big thing I will miss, not as big as the family members, but I will strongly miss, is the soccer years I had with the park district. I have had five memoriable coaches in my past 9 (I think it is 9) years.

One, Lance. He was the first coach that I bonded with. Not in a wierd way, just that we had fun talking on the sidelines (when I wasn't actually playing, rare).

Two and three, Steve and Sal. They were coaching together so I can't really say which I knew first, but Sal and I bonded (same as above) more. We had so much fun making fun of each other.

Four, Jon. But to go along with Jon were his two sons. They were cool too, so I guess I could say seven coaches. So the three of them, they were really cool. We also bonded (same as above, again) and just had fun making, well, fun of each other.

Five, Peter. Peter is a college soccer player. He is extremely tall, red head, good looking, and well just an amazing soccer player. To top it all off, we both play defence!!! I know I'm making it sound like I like him, and maybe I do a little, but mostly, I look up to him. He gives me really good advice, and I am so glad that he coached me, two times. One of the times was on Steve and Sal's team, but we really bonded this past year. Again, bonded as in not anything bad, just talking and laughing together. I had the most fun with him and he is the reason that I really wanted to inculde this section in the things I will really miss.

As for gymnastics, I can stay in it for the next two years, so I don't really have to miss it yet. But I will miss my coach Danielle. She is going off to college after this summer session and I hope I don't loose touch with her. She is really fun to hang out with. My friend Julia and I hung out with her a couple of times to pick up some things, or to just go out to eat at Red Robins. It was really fun! So I will miss those times.

I know that I got off topic a little a few times, but I really wanted to mention those things. For the people who have made a difference in my life; for the people who I look up to. I will miss you. And a special shout out to Coach Danielle and Coach Peter! I hope I don't loose touch with you!
Yours Forever
SunnyShadow04

Family

For all those people out there who don't have fathers, don't feel like your life sucks. Sure, I love my dad. But sometimes, it's really hard to live with him. When women and girls tell you that males are immature, they really mean it. And then, when they tell you that males never really grow up, they are so serious, it's not even funny! My dad acts like a child. Whenever I am mad, he laughs it off and makes fun of me. And when he laughs at me, I usually get mad and yell at him. And what do I get for yelling at him? I get yelled at. And that's the only time he's serious, is when he's mad or yelling at someone.

So let me tell you the latest incident. A while ago, my seventeen year old sister decided to bleach her bangs and a few strands of hair in the front of her face. After a few months, she decided to fix it up. In the process, she added some bleach to where she already had it, not a lot, but she did add some, and she also put some under her hair in the back. It looked really cute!

Yesterday, at soccer practice, I got a text. My sister sent me a picture of her hair. All the blond in the front was pink while the blond underneath in the back remained blond. I thought it still looked really cute! I mentioned it to my dad and he looked really mad. You would think that because my sister is seventeen, my parents would let her live a little, and not mind as much as they did. Maybe they would bring her down a little, or encourage her not to do such things, but no. They (mostly my dad) really got mad though. He started yelling about how she must want attention, and that she was going to get it, but it was going to be negative. I guess he just doesn't understand that todays society is WAY different then what it used to be, and that most of the comments she got and will get is positive. I liked it after all. Ha.

So after a while of hearing my dad scream about my sisters hair, I decided I'd had enough. I told him to go talk to a wall because no one wanted to hear him complain. He told me to shut up. I did; he's my dad after all. He walked away, and that was the end of that.

I texted my sister to let her know what had gone down. She mostly laughed it off. But as the night grew on, she sounded more and more nervous about comming home at her curfew. A while later, when my dad had fallen asleep, I texted her. She was relieved to hear this news. She doesn't like getting yelled at. Who does? She came home calmer then she sounded earlier that day.

We went to sleep around two, and when we awoke, she stayed in her room until she heard my dad leave. When he did, she took a quick shower, which naturally washed out most of the dye. She plans to put some more dye in today because my dad didn't say anything when he was her.

I don't really know why my dad cared as much as he did. I hope he let it go and is feeling better. He seemed like he was in a good mood today. I hope he, along with my mom, doesn't get angry about what my sister does when she turns eighteen and moves out. Although I also hope she makes the right decisions AND goes to college.

I guess that's why my parents really cherish me, because she always does things that they don't really approve of, and I don't. But my life is good most of the time. And I know that these outbursts are normal, so I just hope the outbursts don't rule the household, and my parents and the entire family can continue to be happy. As happy as or happier then we are now.

I do love you very much dad,
SunnyShadow04